new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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