I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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