Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
