____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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