Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
