I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
