Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
