i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
