Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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