that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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