how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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