The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
