Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
