Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
