Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
