it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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