the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
