She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize