and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
