I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
