singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
