me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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