i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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