We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize