I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
