I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
