Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
