i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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