Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
