So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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