Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
