I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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