Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
