I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
