He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
