How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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