i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
