Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So vagazzling was a success
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
