She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
