ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
