u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize