We're facebook friends in real life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
