i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
