Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
