you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
