so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
