Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize