got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
