I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The power of my boobs compel you
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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