Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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