She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I want is dick and wine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
