Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
