Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i now understand why vodka
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
