Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
