Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize