Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
