New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
