There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
