I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
