yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
