We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
