Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
