How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
