News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize