A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
