I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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