She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
