that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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