Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
