I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize