Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
