Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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