Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
