you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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