i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
