This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize