I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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