i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
