Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Damn victory sex feels great
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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