Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
