Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Damn victory sex feels great
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize