i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
