that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think im in europe. pls send help
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