I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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