so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
