he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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