stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have fence marks all over my body
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