Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
