You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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