The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
