So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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