He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
