so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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