too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
