it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
