Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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