I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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