umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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