chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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