I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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