Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
