Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
