Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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