I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
