I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
