We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
