Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
