i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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