she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he was CRYING into my vagina
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
