Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
