i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
