are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
