you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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