girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
