I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
