i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
