There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize