forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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