will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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